Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
