Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry about my life...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
