I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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