I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize