She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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