Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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