You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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