I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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