apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hippo gnu deer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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