but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize