Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
