she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
