I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
