Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
