I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
