I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
