i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
