dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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