If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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