I need help removing her.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
