He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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