Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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