And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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