no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
