I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
