His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
