Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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