OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize