Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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