Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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