he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize