You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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