Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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