erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize