I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
