My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
