i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
