i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
