I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
