Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
