nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
