So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
