Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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