You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
