I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
