How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
