I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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