I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
