Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
