My girlfriend figured out who you are.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
