apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
