how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
