Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
