i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
