I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
