Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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