i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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