My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
