Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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