I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
