Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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