i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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