yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's never too late to be topless.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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