Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
